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Seishirou/Subaru | pg | ~ 1,000 wc | spoilers Tokyo Babylon / X
Subaru is alive. The world is bleak.




Survivor


Subaru is alive. Nine years have passed and all he has wanted was to be killed - or so he has thought. But now, slowly, everything he has believed to be true has been turned inside out, and maybe he hasn't wished to be killed. Maybe death at his hand has not truly been what he had wanted most, but what he had thought was all he could ever get. Maybe, though, maybe that wasn't the truth.

But it's too late to realize. Winter has come and the End of the World, but neither matters anymore. Subaru wears his coat not because of the biting wind, but because he has worn a coat as long as Subaru has known him. He doesn't bother to button it up; instead he allows it to billow and collapse at the whims of the wind, feeling the bite of the cold seep through his clothes and pierce his skin to sink inside, but it doesn't matter. The coldness cannot reach anything that isn't there.

The wind howls and its voice has never seemed so loud before, but nowadays there's almost no other noise, just now and then the crumbling of buildings in the distance whenever the Dragons of Earth break another kekkai. Subaru cannot remember the last time he saw a human being that wasn't somehow involved in the End of the World. Maybe they have all fled. Maybe they have died.

He did.

Now there's no one anymore, and Subaru's alive in a city of the dead, surrounded by the ruins and rubble of the most beautiful city Subaru has ever lived in.

Tokyo.

Here he has experienced the best year of his life, shared it with the two people he loved the most, and all of it is now gone for good. His eyes see parts and pieces of familiar places, which once have been, and the shadows of people, who are long gone. His ears remember the sounds of voices that will never be heard again, of lies that will never be told again, and if Subaru could still wish, if there was still something in the world that mattered and needed to be protected, he probably wouldn't have asked for anything other than another shared illusion, a moment that was only for them, a moment when there was nothing in the world but him, instead of simply nothing.

Yuzuriha was right. It's lonely to be all by oneself. Subaru has lived with this knowledge for nine years.

Has he been lonely all these years like Subaru?

He still has so many questions he never asked when he had the possibility and now it's too late. Now he can only look at the remains and pick them apart and live.

He reaches up to his face, touches the skin just beneath his right eye - because an eye cannot be touched without a risk of doing it harm - and he thinks of the mismatched pair he would see in a mirror. One golden and one green. So close together and yet forever apart.

Subaru is not allowed to die.

Somewhere far away another building crumbles and joins the ruins on the ground while a figure leaps away and disappears between clouds of dust and piles of the past. It's the liveliest thing Subaru has seen in days - he turns his face away.

Buildings have crumbled and shattered, humans have disappeared and died, and nature is suffering alongside with everything else. Leafless trees have been buried beneath the ruins before spring could come and bring them back to life and now they will never bloom again.

Except for a single tree that is not allowed to wither and die, ever, neither in winter nor in summer, always covered in pink cherry blossoms - because there are corpses buried beneath the tree - and it is untouched by anything and anyone but the Sakurazukamori.

Trapped in cherry blossoms, forever.

The Promised Day may be close, but the outcome has lost its importance and won't change anything because no matter whose wish will come true, Kamui's or Kamui's or neither of theirs, it won't be Subaru's because Subaru's wish has died alongside the man he still loves.

Subaru watches the dust settle. His eyes drift over the ruins and catch sight of the Tokyo Tower, still proudly erect in the middle of Tokyo and reaching for the sky. It will end there. Or begin. It depends on who is asked. And it will probably depend on who is asked afterward, too.

But it isn't the future Subaru sees when he looks at the Tokyo Tower, it isn't the final battle that makes this place meaningful to him. No, it's the memory of a time long gone, of a person he was never allowed to know everything about and of words that might have been nothing but a lie. Subaru will never know.

Still, I really love this Tokyo, he recalls him saying, because it's the only city here on Earth that can enjoy itself as it walks the path to destruction.

Finally now it has almost reached the end of this path, hasn't it? Would he still claim to love it? And if he did, would it be the truth or just another lie?

The wind picks up once more, strengthens and billows Subaru's black coat, a small pitch of darkness in the middle of the widths of nowhere, while he stands and looks around. But although he has two perfectly functional eyes nowadays, there is nothing for him to see.

Subaru is alive. And he is alone.


The End



Notes:

Still, I really love this Tokyo because it's the only city here on Earth that can enjoy itself as it walks the path to destruction. - Sakurazuka Seishirou in Tokyo Babylon Vol. 01.

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